HIgh Conflict Divorce: Working with your Attorney

Are you worried about finding the right attorney for your high conflict divorce? Anxious about your ex’s ability to manipulate everyone around them, including a judge and other legal professionals? If you are divorcing a Narcissist, then one of the most important factors to your surviving this major life event is finding the right lawyer. The market is saturated with attorneys who “handle divorces” but that does not mean that they are prepared to represent you in a high conflict divorce. Due to the intense level of case management needed in these types of divorces, you will need an attorney that handles the details of your case personally, not through a paralegal.More often than not, the “devil is in the details” in this type of divorce, and your attorney must be willing and able to not skip the trees for the forest. This will not be advantageous to your case, as high conflict divorces are notorious for false allegations, twisting of facts and manipulation.

Five signs you may have the wrong attorney

1. They remind you of your ex.

Until you discover why your (ex) narcissist was attracted to you, you will continue to attract similar types. Keep in mind, sometimes it takes a narcissist to go up against a narcissist. However, if your lawyer dismisses your concerns, acts like you are overreacting, makes sexist or derogatory comments, and gives you the sense that they don’t respect you….you may have the wrong attorney.

2. They do not respond to your emails promptly and personally.

While many lawyers have excellent paralegals who serve an important role in their practice, a paralegal is not your lawyer. Again, the highly detailed nature of your case requires an attorney who will attend to the details of your case personally. This is not to say you won’t have substantial interaction with your attorney’s paralegal because you will. But, if you don’t get personal responses from your attorney during your case…you may have the wrong attorney.

3. They are impressed by your ex’s behavior.

If they have experience in high conflict divorces, they will not be surprised or shocked by your ex’s behavior. If you get even the slightest feeling that they are impressed with your ex’s cunning, twisting of facts and manipulation of the system….you may have the wrong attorney.

4. They tell you they “can win this.”

An experienced attorney will tell you truthfully that  no one “wins” in this type of divorce. They should tell you to prepare for a difficult, expensive, time-consuming event without guaranteeing an outcome. If they don’t…….you may have the wrong attorney.

5. They minimize your case

High conflict divorces are not common. They are the exception to the rule. Yes, it’s not unusual for people to feel angry during a divorce. There is a very thick line between feeling angry and lashing out, lying, and attacking someone. If your attorney does not recognize that the person you are up against is exceptionally devious and dangerous…you may have the wrong attorney.

Having an experienced attorney is one of the most important issues in a high conflict divorce and you cannot afford to chose the wrong one. I have worked with several excellent attorneys in the Greenville and Spartanburg area and I would be glad to recommend one if needed.

Need help more help in your high conflict divorce? Call me and get on my counseling schedule at 864-990-5423.

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